PoetryKafe

My mum got me a jumper
That fits what it touched
My sister got me novelty socks
That didn’t cost very much
My dad got me a Philishave
To shave between my spots
My Nan got me a scarf
And a box of jelly tots
But it’s the identity
That I would like to know
Of who got me the condoms
Tied up with a bow

by Paul Curtis

(No Ratings Yet)

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There’s a boat in the harbor
Riding low in the waves.
There’s a hole in its keel
And it cannot be saved!

The captain is bailing;
The first-mate has fled.
The cabin boy frantically
Bails in her stead.

For each bucket bailed
Six more flow right in
As the captain’s wife wails:
Serves you right for your sin!

The captain keeps bailing
Though the first mate has fled
She won’t be the last
To share a fool’s bed.

by Harold Walker

(3 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5)

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I’d give you my heart,
But I’d like to impart,
Having difficulty? I guess I’d say sorta.
Finding the card was a snap,
I got really cute wrap,
But I made a mess when I cut the aorta.

So maybe I’ll get candy.
That really sounds dandy,
And whisper sweet nothings soft and quiet.
But it’d just be my luck,
That you’d just say yuck,
Because you recently went on a diet.

So I simply propose,
To get you a rose,
That a flower’s romantic, I am a believer.
But the way things are going,
You soon will be showing,
Sneezing and sniffling, the signs of hay fever.

So what can I do,
To show how I feel about you,
It’s so bad that I feel just like praying.
When I try to utter,
I just stammer and stutter,
And you don’t even know what I’m saying.

So I have the luck,
To be forever stuck,
With feelings and no way to show ‘em.
So I hope it’s okay,
If I take this way,
And say it all in a poem.

by Geoff Weilert

(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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She’s surgically ironed her original face
And stretched her eyes way round the back
The chins have moved on
And the crow’s feet have gone,
Her surgeon’s removed all the slack
The boobs are augmented
The lips are cemented
And teeth show no visible rot
She’s altered the look
Of a haggard old chook
And presents as someone she’s not
But her neck is still crepey,
her hands gaunt and shaky
We’re motral, we shrivel and die
Everyone ages in pre-ordained stages
Joan Rivers is living a lie
What happens to all of these false apparitions
When buried and dead in the ground
Which bits rot away, and which other bits stay
What relics will one day be found?
Silicon wads will emerge from the sods
In cemeteries all round the globe
Synthetics and plastic and surgical elastic
Subject to archaelogical probe
The biodegradable parts disappear
leaving Botox and strange looking bits
Maggots can’t chew
Through surgical glue
All that’s left will be collagen and tits

by Dianne Foley
Poem Sponsored by MyStyleDump

(No Ratings Yet)

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I have a fridge, it bothers me
To think it might be haunted
With ghosts of meals from yesteryear
With fungus all annointed

I’m waiting - it’s been three months now
For lengthy power cuts
A frozen tomato’s stuck to the wall
Spewing out its guts

It’s sort of furry - black and red
That is, last time I saw it
it’s covered now with lettuce leavef
So now I just ignore it

by Dianne Foley

(No Ratings Yet)

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I really like to look at maps
And find places I’d like to go’ta
Like Morrow, Ohio; Knight, Indiana
And the small town Day, Minnesota.

So I began to plan my trip
And to help me guide my way
I went to my telephone,
And called up Triple A.
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(No Ratings Yet)

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With the trash overflowing
And the lawn needing mowing,
There is so much to do I must admit.
On the couch I have got
A most comfortable spot
I intend to do nothing but just sit.

I know it sounds crazy
But I’m not really lazy
Trying to be a good citizen with legal devotion.
It just is because
I follow all of the laws
I’m obeying Newton’s First Law of motion.
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Soon after waking
My wife started baking
And said she would pull out all stops.
So soon we could eat
A really nice treat
Muffins, but only the tops.

I was bemused
And somewhat confused
With these thoughts, that I now confide.
For if she should stop
At only the top,
Then what’s on the other side?
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(No Ratings Yet)

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